I must admit, I'm in a little bit of a quandary. Over the years, I've  sensed that something was missing in the way I was "doing Church." I  struggled with the question, "is this sense that something is askew, me,  or is it the Church?"

Now, I've been "out of the  Church" for over three years, and have wrestled with this question like  Jacob wrestled with God, and like Jacob, I think I'm beginning to  overcome (understand more clearly). Since I'm a slow learner, it takes  me a while to "get things," you know, before they really sink in and  make sense.
This little bit of background information  about my journey will be helpful to know so you can understand my story.  I had come to be a follower of Christ as a teenager. Started my  spiritual journey in the Charismatic Church and from the Charismatic  Churches, I found my way into a Fundamentalist Independent Baptist  Church where I stayed for ten years.
From the Baptist  Church, I journeyed into meeting with believers in house Churches, from  house Churches I found myself in an Evangelical Free Church, where I  stayed for over twenty years.
I thought that this  background needed to be shared, lest you think that I have a bone to  grind with organized Church. For the record, I LOVE the Church of God,  now when I say "the Church of God," it needs to be noted, I don't mean  organized religion; but the people of God, the body of Christ that Jesus  died for and redeemed.

So, its time to get back to the  "quandary," what was askew? what was missing? was it me or the Church  that had the problem? Well, let me defer to one of the most influential  evangelicals in North America, J. I. Packer, when he noted,  "Christianity in North America is 3,000 miles wide and a half inch  deep." Oh, there it was! and it was the deep part that really got me.
Let  me digress one more time, I can remember driving home from Church one  Sunday afternoon and looking over at my wife and saying "I can't do  Church anymore," that  is what it felt like for so many years,  just  "doing Church," there was no "deep" anymore.
The  feeling reminded me of my younger days when I was brought to the Roman  Catholic Church by my father, it was all duty, it was what good Catholics  did, you simply went to Church every Sunday. Going to Church was what God  expected from you, it was what God wanted, and certainly what the local  Parish expected.
So to answer my question, was it me or  the Church? I've come to the conclusion that it was not me, but  the Church. The  Church can become so program centered, so organizational that it stops  being the living, breathing, organism that God called Her to be. Unless  the Church becomes intentional about not becoming an organization, it  will drift towards that end.

I see in many Churches  where there has been a "wake up call," God, through new leadership has  been calling local Churches to become more intentional about "community"  and promoting real spiritual growth. There is a paradigm shift that is  using a new score card to judge spiritual growth--- a score card that  is moving away from judging spiritual growth by how involved you are in  the Church---to judging spiritual growth by how many believers are disciplining  others, or looking for an increase of fathers in the Church leading  their own families in worship of God.

A new, more balanced score card, that asks, "are there more healthy marriages in the  Church?" a score card that goes "deeper" than just how involved you are  in the Church's' programs, or how much time and money you give to the  organization, oops I mean the Church. The score card that is currently being used has become so  unbalance, and even dangerous.
The goal of the Christian life is as the great Apostle Paul noted,  that we may know Christ. To know Christ and fellowship with other  believers in worship of our King. To break bread together, to see others  come to the waters of baptism as new followers of Christ proclaim Him  as Lord and savior.
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To God be all praise, glory, and honor